i've been running from myself for far to long. all the things that i've done to try to escape were just pathetic attempts to fool myself into thinking i was someone else. changing my hair, tyring to lose weight, developing new hobbies, losing old friends, and having a different outlook on life can't shake myself from who i am. i thought i would like the new me more. in fact i thought everyone would like the new alter ego i created for myself better. in fact it probably couldn't be more opposite. as strange as this sounds i miss myself. the old me. the real me. i can't keep this up for much longer. i need to give myself more credit. there was nothing wrong with the way that i was. sure not everyone liked me but that's life. i feel like i was more engaged in who i used to be. i had an overall happier and healthier frame of mind. lately all i've been doing is looking forward to high school being over and getting out of here. that's not how it used to be at all. i used to love highschool and surprisingly most of the people in it. it's time to get out of this moopy mindset. i have no idea why i have such low self esteem but i think i realized the root of it. i need to accept myself before others will accept me. as cheesy as that sounds i know that it's true. i have been comparing myself to all the wrong people. celebrities don't even actually look like that in real life either. no one is perfect. honestly i'm not even that bad looking compared to people my age. i might look different but hey the world needs its diversity. i would love to be stick skinny but reality is that's not going to happen. i should just be happy that i actually have boobs and an ass because with girls now days those things are getting rarer and rarer. i don't have to look like everyone else to be considered "beautiful". i know that i am in my own way, and now i finally realzied that that is enough. of course i will probably have those days where i feel disgusting and hate myself but i guess i'll just have to keep reminding myself how lucky i am to be me. it's much more than looks though. thank god i'm smart. sorry if that sounds conceited. i've had such low self esteem for so long that now i'm finally realizing that i have the right to be proud of myself. i'm doing amazing in school this year. i am working hard and my grades are reflecting that. i don't think i give myself enough credit. i'm not going to hold my head down in shame any longer. i'm smart, beautiful, hard working, adventurous, and have a killer personality. i'm done with hating myself. i'm done with crying all the time. i'm done with this lifestyle. it's time to get back to my roots.