I can't wait for the day that hard work and intelligence trump looks. If that day ever comes mind you.

so i confronted the boy that said those rude things to me. he never apoligized. my boyfriend just stood there like an idiot not saying anything. i'm pretty sure if some guy called another boy's girlfriend a slut they would do something about it. but not mine lol guess that's how much he cares about me wooooo. i guess if you want osmething done right you better do it yourself because no one else fucking cares. whatever i gave him an ultimatium to either confront that boy within the next 2 weeks or it's over. i don't think he think's i'm being serious but if he doesn't confront him it shows he doesn't care about me or my feelings. and frankly i don't want people like that in my life anyways. he lies to me all the time so this is his chance to prove it or i'm done. i'm so over him treating me like i don't matter.

So I'm not exactly sure what it is but I guess something about me just pushes people away or agrivates them. Maybe that's why a boy in my grade brought up something about me from freshman year and called me a slut in front of people in my class. Maybe that's why my boyfriend keeps lying to me and I can't tell him anything without him going around and telling someone else. Maybe that's why only one of my friends will answer the text when I try to get us to all hangout. Maybe that's why I go home strait to my room with no calls and only one or two word answers when I text someone.
abusable, easily forgotten, taken advantage of, no one wants to talk to, loser.
Crying usually makes me feel better but lately I've done it so often I never want to again.
Tears I was reluctant to shed dripped down my chin and landed in the crook of my collar bone as soon as that boy opened his mouth. My boyfrind keeps lying and hurting me again and again and I call him crying saying that things need to change for real this time. I hang up the phone and let real tears flow because I know that call was just a waste of breath. He doesn't care how I feel, no one does. I try to make an effort to hangout with my friends but all but one seems to just shut me out and push me away. Most of the time they don't even answer.
So here I am alone in my room like it's destined to be. I just can't wait until a year and a half from now where I start running and never look back. I'm done being this hampster on a wheel going in circles with the same problems. I need space, time, and new places to get me out of this slump. I hate highschool and if these truly are the best years of your life then I have nothing to look forward to, but I know it will all get better once I get away from this place.

all these people are trying to tell me how to run my life. and making plans for the future and having me decide what to do and shit. oh and telling me who to be friends with and who not to, and who to date and who not to. and i'm really scared to anounce my feelings to anyone because they change so often and i know i will offend someone. which is not the way it should be because it is MY life. i can associate with whoever i want to. qiucnvqowdsuoqiiqucbQocinwde. god i've made such an elaborate web of lies not to offend anyone and this drama is exhausting. oh and i have so much homework i won't get to sleep and i havn't worked out in the longest time and feel like a fat cow. fuck.

NO MORE FUCKING MISTAKES FOR ME STARTING NOW.
i give myself too many excuses.
bottom line is it's wrong.
i'm wrong.
but i'm changed as of now.

You never deserved more than an ounce of my attention. I gave you everything and you treated me like I was nothing. Now that I'm starting to get with someone else you put all your time and energy into me. Too bad that's what I gave you for months even after you treated me so horribly. So don't beg me to come back because I'm too far gone. And I'm not looking back. I deserve this.

i guess we all figure out that the person we knew, wasn't the person they were.